they must be above the rules

those people, i mean.

they blatantly disregarded the sign on the grass in front of the wilk that says:

"i'm trying hard to grow, please don't walk on me!"

they are standing right there, on that very grass! quite audacious i'd say. 'specially towards such an entreaty.

i guess it isn't a very obvious sign because it IS this wimpy, smallish blue sign, placed amongst the trees on the huge expanse of field... but the plea is so sincere, i just can't help but feel for the grass...

yet, there they stand - the would-be kings of yesteryears, yes, even the Utah Valley sparring club members who dress in medieval garb and spar (fight?) with wooden swords once a week in front of the wilk. i suppose they figure the grass (and the BYU grounds crew, for that matter) can give way for their sport. besides, their overlook is understandable. the signs weren't even translated into Olde English.

but, mostly it was just funny to me. the moment i walk by this sign, i look past it only to see these guys standing on the grass in an attitude that seems to say, "we are above the law!" it was just ironic. kind of like the time i saw a tube of toothpaste next to the sink, crumpled and disformed and center-squeezed, and the directions were face up, reading "for best results, squeeze from the bottom up." take that, "Man"! ha! i noticed that they don't put those directions on the toothpaste anymore. it can only mean one of a million things, but i will give you two. for one, they probably realized that the toothpaste produces the same result if you squeeze the tube from the bottom, middle, or top. for two, they couldn't fit the translation of the directions in Olde English on those small tubes.

post 101: i have him

it was just a matter of time. i just got off the phone and knew i had to post this draft i had written almost a week ago. i have been away from the blog land - i didn't write one blog in the month of september. you see, i have been preoccupied with things -

okay,

love.

i think i have been avoiding "the common" because i was initially afraid that the things i was thinking about were too personal to write on the page. however, i knew one day i wouldn't be able to keep love from penetrating my world, even my most personal and individualistic world (i do have a strong sense of privacy, for those of you who know me well). but love has rocked my world! since love, i have felt my need for certain things subside and take on new forms. my blog (thus this explanatory post), melancholy music - they were all venues for my singleness. but this summer i fell in love in the warmest city in the country and my need to have places of expression that fed my singleness began to melt away.

i started to realize that some of my singleness-cravings just stopped surfacing. this person that i had took away those needs - or, rather he fulfilled them. he replaced them. i didn't need to listen to melancholy music to feel emotion - i had him. i didn't need to express my thoughts to myself on a vacant screen - i had him. and now the season is turning to winter

and i still have him.

forgive the personal theme, but i have always tried to be honest in each post and i have to be myself when writing on this blog from now on anyway. and this new love is a part of me now.

so, readers, this writer is

different,
new,
better

happy -

because i have him. and coming from an independent person who enjoyed seeing the world from her own space, this new discovery of another person is profound. truly, love changes people for the better. and yes, Ammon, you can take credit for this because you knew all along what i needed.

couched between a privilege and a pet peeve

to break the ice since i've been gone for so long, i thought i'd talk about something somewhat taboo, somewhat uncomfortable, but nonetheless a reality and a pet peeve. those are always fun, right? hooray!

so, ladies, you know how there are couches in the girl's bathroom in the library and elsewhere on campus? and, guys, you no doubt harbor bitterness about this luxury that we women enjoy. (btw, sexist comment: i feel it is absolutely okay to discriminate against men in this way because men do not have babies - bear them, care for them (primarily) - nor do they experience all other girl things. and boys, you have so many other privileges about bathroom usage - like being able to go in bushes if you want - that i feel you have your needs met.) so couches are good and appropriate in the girl's room. but, let's talk about some misuse.

when you need to run into the ladies' room for a minute, and there is someone just "hangin' out" on the couches in the bathroom, it makes it a little awkward to go. i mean, they can HEAR you. i sometimes want to address the awkwardness with, "hey, don't mind me, i'm just gonna go into one of these stalls here and just take care of a little business. you don't mind do you? i mean, i'm not interrupting anything here, am i?" i mean, really. it is awkward. when you need to crash and take a little napster on campus and you don't want to look uncomely, sprawled on some uncomfortable bench on campus, i may think - sure, sleep in here. you're not aware of me anyway. but, just reading a book, playing on your laptop in the little lounge room. hm. okay, is that weird to anyone else? what would be the reason you are doing this? is there someone out there you are trying to avoid? do you not mind the sound of flushing toilets while you're on your cell phone with your friends?

well, whatever the reason, let us minimize the misuse of the couches given us, ladies. i know they're comfortable, but i don't know if it is worth the discomfort you cause everyone else. and i'd appreciate some sympathy. (and boys if you feel a need to vent, i completely understand and your comments are welcome.)

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

in Arizona, there seems to be a general habit for Arizonians to brag about Arizona sunsets. "we have the best sunsets," they say. "better than anywhere, hands down." this is an indisputable fact to my Arizonian friends - and there's no way that they were going to hear some Utah girl who has seen very little of the world contest this fact. but, when i got back to Salt Lake and i was driving downtown along Wasatch Road on the east bench, and the city, mountains, and setting sun were before me, i had to disagree that the best sunsets are in Arizona. the sunsets in Salt Lake are incredible. how come i didn't know that with such surety before? how come i could not give concrete testimony of the beauty of Utah sunsets? why is this not a Utah claim, like green jello, ice cream, and Jericho Road are? i determined that it isn't because Utah has sub-par sunsets that no one claims "best sunsets in the world." i think it's because we aren't looking up as often as our friends down south. i think that any "best of" claims are made because people pay attention. Arizonians love their sun, and they love their sunsets. but, at any rate, i think this extends to the idea that those who are looking for the good will find it. what are we Utahns looking for in our great environment? why are our heads not turned upwards so that we can claim with confidence that we have the best sunsets?

i think there are many "best____ in the world" claims to be made. but it requires paying attention. it makes me wonder where my attention priorities are - what am i seeking and what am i finding, and where are my eyes looking? for, as i found, you can't make the claim that, "no, MY state has the best sunsets" if you never even bothered to look up.

i'll return to you somehow

In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing and the sky is clear and red.
When the summer’s ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure’s lost its meaning,
I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me you're missing, if you’re hoping I’ll return.
To your thoughts I’ll soon be list’ning, and in the road I’ll stop and turn.
Then the wind will set me racing as my journey nears its end.
And the path I’ll be retracing when I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
I’ll be homeward bound again.

-Music and Lyrics by Marta Keen

peace

i was walking across 3rd avenue, where city buses are constantly passing by in the 100+ degree heat. in an unusual way, a lady from the seventh floor of the building to my left started yelling something to the guy on the other side of the crosswalk from me.

"hey! i'll be on the second floor!" she informed him. he looked up, but he put his hand to his ear and yelled, "what?"

the people who were stopped at the light and i were interested and concerned, so we tried to help. she yelled her announcement again, and the people in the car rolled down their windows to hear what she said. "second floor!" she yelled; "second floor?" he said, holding up two fingers; "second floor," said the people in the car and i, simultaneously with him and i held up two fingers. with his hand still raised, he turned towards our voices and saw me, crossing the crosswalk and holding up two fingers - and for a split second, two strangers were creating a serendipitous exchange of symbols. we were giving each other the "peace" sign.

we smiled, i passed, and was immediately confronted by a "sign up here to legalize medical marijuana" lobbyist. people, just because i am flashing "peace" signs at people doesn't mean that i embrace all that the hippie movement has to offer. i have to draw that line somewhere. but, man, for that moment in the middle of Phoenix on the 3rd avenue crosswalk, there was peace, bro. there was peace.

the common quotes of late

"there's nothing like cutting a pineapple on the top of a mountain...in the dark... when you don't know how to cut a pineapple" (said Mark Eliason with lots of enthusiasm as he unpacked a whole pineapple on the top of a mountain and prepared to cut it.)

"check out Anderson's tweets from Africa on his blog" (said CNN on the bottom of the screen. first of all, i love the evolution of language - tweets and blogs. well, evolution of technology. and i also love this quote because i love Anderson Cooper - he is my news-crush.)

"gosh, she is so lovely - sigh" (said my thoughts after seeing wedding pictures on facebook of a girl i know. facebook can help your self-esteem when someone posts on your wall but can also remind you how much you try not to envy those people who always look like models.)

"you are beautiful, but i still can't afford you" (said Joseph, a Special Needs ward member, who means he can't afford marriage. i promise. we had to double-check what he meant by that. but thanks for the compliment Joe.)

"and he sweats like a Weed too" (said Trevor Weed, my cousin, about his little baby who carries the family curse of sweating like the dickens. and in Phoenix - oh boy. buckle up. but little Ben is so cute and "very advanced," which is the new phrase one uses to compliment new parents on the achievements of their babies.)

"Sotomayor is a racist...a reverse racist" (said parrots of conservative talk radio)

"Gah!" (said Emma, my niece, with a lot of vigor. i totally agree.)

"i think they're both lying" (said the court clerk of our awfully boring case today as she leaned back in her chair to file her nail while pictures of kittens flickered on her screensaver and i determined never to practice personal injury law and turned to my blog to record this moment. well at least i know what i don't want to do now, i thought dryly. that narrows it down.)